It all began with the discovery of freedom, way back when...
The band formed as a result of a moan, murmur, sigh, howl, and a desperate whimper, sounds that could be heard all the way down to the Mississippi Delta, which was still shining like a National guitar.
The Gods poured gilded gold down from the heavens until they fashioned the hands of Bryson Bailey, and with his first breath, he laughed. Next came the beautiful goddess, Myles Wittman, who was blessed with the sharp lungs of Aphrodite and the lips of a Las Vegas prostitute. After one good blow on his brass beauty, he fled down to Chile. The Gods sighed with agreeable relief after completing their most perfect gift for Earth, Kevin Middlekauff, to whom they gave the patience of the Bald Eagle, along with his fierce talons, which made plucking strings a markedly difficult task. On that divine evening, a warm banjo strummed faintly off in the distance, and a swarm of bees buzzed all around a Kansas meadow. Sweet white honey splashed onto a duck pond, and thus the Andy Olson was concocted. Upon escaping the murky surface, Andy found that he was naked, and he liked that, so he remained so… Alas, the Gods discarded the remaining scraps to the dry Earth below, and the jumble that fused together upon an unforgiving collision created many a Nick Larson, bleak and pathetic souls indeed.
Not before long, the boys were men and the silence turned to harmony. Próxima Parada, the amalgamation of the five regions of Nether united under one common goal, was erected in January of 2012, which the world would soon decide to call year 0.